Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
