I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
