it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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