If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
