Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
