He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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