best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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