Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
