I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He felt like a one man threesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
