isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
