Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize