we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Drunk is not a location!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
