i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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