party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
