The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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