Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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