my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Two words: blizzard sex
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
