get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
