I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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