I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize