i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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