We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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