i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
