yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
