I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
