We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize