Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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