hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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