after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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