just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
