OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
