I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
