Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
