Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
