Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
