i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
