Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize