she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
