somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
