i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
