is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
