just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
