It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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