I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
