just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
