She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
