Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
