This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
