He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
