America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
