I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
