i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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