Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
These tits shall not be calmed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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