matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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