Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
they're like a gay fantastic four
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
