ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
