dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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