dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
