You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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