I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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