ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize