haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
