mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize