Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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