the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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