Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Will you blow on my dice?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize