Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize