totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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