all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
