Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
