im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
