So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
