why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
