i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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