Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
