I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
