maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
