The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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