I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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