it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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