I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This house was built for laser tag.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
