Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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