I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
