my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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