I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
